It's been so long since I last thought of how dying would be a really good escape right now. What triggered this? A family member is treating me like trash for something I can't fix as of right now. I don't know their reason, but we used to understand each other really well. I don't want to be ungrateful at all and am very thankful for everything they've done so far.
Getting the plug pulled so suddenly, I am feeling so unsure about my life decisions.
I hope they are happy about their life and will live a long a life. At the same time, I wonder when it would be my turn to make someone cry or sad?
I've always kept to myself thinking other people can't hurt me this way. Slowly, I am trying to open up to some people. I hope I can make friends... and finally find someone I can share my sorrows with openly without feeling ashamed. I guess if you build a wall around you, you can still get hurt by members of your own family, those people that you can't completely shut out.
I always thought family is all I have and I should treasure them. I still do, some of them are such great people! But right now, I ...... I just feel alone and need friends.
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